THE FORGIVENESS FALLACY

Wow. Forgiveness sounds wonderful. Everybody involved will feel OK from now on. Well, I don't believe it really exists.

No one disputes the utter horror of WWII. How on Earth did the world move beyond it? My own father bought a German car in 1957, just twelve years after the end of the war. My father was as much a U.S. patriot as anyone. By the late 1960's everyone was buying Japanese cars without a second thought. How did we move on so quickly? Forgiveness? I think not.

When I think about any person in the past who broke my heart, a taste of that old pain will rise to the surface. When I think about things I've done that were not examples of what a good person should be, I still feel inner shame.

Nonetheless, I am not walking around like a wounded soul. I pretty much manage my life as a fairly normal person. So, how does this transition successfully evolve, both culturally and personally? I think we compartmentalize it, tuck it away, and don't look at it too often. I think announcing that we've forgiven is an untruth. A lot of us, with time, can move forward in life with that personal baggage neatly stored inside. Those who are unable to do that, end up with short fuses, scores to settle, and/or an unstable mental state.

So I don't think we should be preaching about the glory of forgiveness. I don't truly think that we are really fully capable of that. I do believe in the idea that the best revenge upon those who would hurt you, is to move forward and build yourself as good a life as you can. That includes cataloging the past, yet focusing the bright beautiful light of the promise of each new day. See? Denying the concept of forgiveness can sound just as gooey as anything!